So my friend's mother passed away a few days ago and it sort of put things into perspective for me. Like, how much I have taken my own mother for granted and of course, the rest of the people around me as well. It's a bit unfair that people are taken away too early but God has His own plans. I hear she is dealing with it her own way & it's scary the way some people deal with loss. I for one, am the kind to withdraw myself from the world & stay there, others hit the clubs & drown themselves in lots of booze. My friend Maina though, likes to keep her head held high when faced with situations like these. But I know she's breaking down inside, I can tell; after all she is my friend. But she puts on a really BRAVE face & I admire her for that. She has already LOST her dad & for her to lose her mother too, I think that is more than a young soul like her can handle. I would have been angry with God, but I know God always knows what's BEST for everyone.
I can only IMAGINE what she is going through right now. I can almost see her alone in her room; that faint cry breaks my heart. I haven't even gone to see her. The last time I actually did see her was CF Concert and that was on Friday Night last week! My message of condolence was delievered throught FB ! I can't believe how unattached I have become, especially when she needs a friend this much. Isa Maina.
Sometimes i wonder whether something is wrong with me ! Maybe its just my imagination but i find myself being a different kind of person altogether. I've grown up being a person of consistency, the one that always knew what to do in whatever situation; whether it be a disastrous one, right down to the oddest one can be in. Two years ago however, that CHANGED !!! I lost myself along the way. Maybe it was my fault & maybe it wasn't. All in all, i still feel guilty. I have become this whole other person, not really the kind parents would be proud of. When i say that I lost myself along the way, it really means that I have discovered a whole new me I never knew I was capable of becoming. A whole new me I would never allow myself to become. It's BAD & I'm not proud. It is SAD because no matter what I do, I cannot change the past. I am not able to go back to that particular moment in time and change everything I should not have done. But they say the past is the past, things have happened and there is nothing I can do to change that. I'm grateful for the people in my life though. The great support I have been getting from both my family and friends have been awesome. But honestly, I draw my strength solely from God. Its amazing how much He loves me and what He has done for me. At first when I made that grave MISTAKE, I asked God why. Of all those people in the world, why was it me in that situation. Now I'm slowly beginning to understand. It is a lesson in life I guess. Like every situation I go through should be a stepping stone. Hurdles in life are meant to make us jump high enough to overcome and move onto the next higher hurdle. Like give it your best shot and you will come out stronger than ever. Like EXACTLY what I'm feeling right now. It has made me realise that everyone makes mistakes. That people change and that life goes on. Because before all this, i used to ask why people would do the things they do. I thought it was just human stupidity, but after going through what I went through, it has helped me realise that there is that lil risk-taker in all of us. Whether it is taking risk into the unknown or knowing exactly that what you are doing is wrong but you are too arrogant to think twice. Some of us are like that and it does not make us any less of a human. Live life, embrace every opportunity but don't lose yourself like i did, along the way.
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